While we fight our own personal battles as best we can, the results may not be visibly obvious for all to see. My life has seen an incredible transformation in five short years, since the start of my 'second chance' - post clinical depression. In a bizarre and irrational way, the astonishing support, amazing success, and seemingly endless stream of accolades...can floor me just as easily as it can lift me up.
My analytical brain will undoubtedly continue work overtime, and sometimes struggle to make sense of what is real, and what is perceived. At times my problems pale into insignificance, when compared to an other's situation. But I can just as easily be drawn into big picture solutions, making problems appear insurmountable.
The biggest issue I face personally - is to continually question my actions, my motives, the feedback, the results. Why? It must surely be a failing of human nature...or perhaps it is a strength. An overwhelming desire to do what is right, to make a difference - through real and lasting change.
Regardless what I hear or see, in a private setting or public arena, I'll be looking for the meaning of what just happened (probably by looking straight past the obvious). In an ironic twist, with all this 'second-guessing' that has become a part of my daily life, I am rarely challenged by regrets from my actions...and the past couple of years have been very kind to me.
Will I keep getting it right? Time can make that judgement without discretion or discrimination. One thing of which I'm certain - I will continue to process my actions, as readily as I'll analyse your reactions...and the ensuing outcomes. I'll be down at times, and bounce back again. 'My life' is what I've made it, and will continue to spin at a crazy speed, as I try to make what I can of 'my life'.
Cheers,
Farmer Gregie
Courier Mail's 2014 QWeekend - 50 Best and Brightest
Photo by Russell Shakespeare
I understand you completely.
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